LIANNE RAYMOND

rewards and recognition

Still thinking about praise and rewards. Isn't praise a kind of reward? - and I've railed against rewards as being counter-productive. Yet, Dweck shows that the right kind of praise can fuel intrinsic motivation. I've decided that praise for ability (the bad kind) is a reward, and praise for effort (the good kind) is recognition. Recognition feeds motivation, rewards kill it.

So what is the difference between rewards and recognition? Certainly they can be synonomous. I think the difference becomes clearer when you look at the etymology of each of the words. Reward has at its root warder - meaning to guard or watch over. Recognition has at its root cognōscere - meaning to get to know.

Penelope Trunk nails it when she talks about how to give a compliment:

The difference between a genuine compliment and a desperate brownnosing attempt is empathy and insight, according to Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, Harvard Graduate School of Education psychologists and co-authors of How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation.

If you understand what worries someone, and what he is trying hardest to achieve personally, then you will easily spot opportunities for praise. Don’t just say “good job” for the sake of it. In fact, don’t just say “good job.” The most effective compliments are very specific. And creative words are more memorable than standard words, according to Mark Knapp, communications professor at University of Texas. The most common types of praise are about possessions “Nice car” or about actions “Great shot.”

Praise of character is the most rare and most memorable praise of all. But it’s also the most difficult because it requires you to understand the person you’re praising and be thoughtful about how you talk to them. For example, “I appreciated the compassion you showed for the team when you were canceling the project.” (emphasis mine)

Would you rather be watched to see if you are doing things right, and then rewarded when you do, or would you rather be known and recognized for who you are being in this world?

I know many people who are trying to lose weight or make other changes are told by behaviourists to give themselves rewards. How about giving yourself recognition instead? What would that look like?

gaining perspectives

I just finished another marathon 3 day weekend of CTI training. The whole first day of this weekend was focused on how to get clients who are stuck to take on different perspectives - which helps to get them unstuck and move towards their goals. Hmm - sounds just like the mind-set stuff I've been blogging about. It was also similar to what I think of as "stories" and it brought to mind The Work of Byron Katie (which I have to thank my buddy txkimmers for introducing to me). Different angles on the same idea.

I've got so much buzzing around in my head about this right now that it's hard to even write anything coherent around it - but how cool to come home, and find some of my favourite bloggers talking about this very thing. Synchronicity. (aside - did you know The Police opened their reunion tour in Vancouver on Sunday night and I didn't get tickets! for shame.)

My friend Andrea talks about strengthening one of her stories.

Jason Kottke synthesizes a bunch of articles related to mind-set (though I think he's missing the mark with his "self-deception" angle).

And then to find another favourite blogger is undertaking a journey similar to mine.

I get all grokked out by stuff like that. I can be so frickin' easy to please sometimes.

praiseworthy?

Kimberly linked to an excellent article in her comment on an earlier entry about rewards. (I'm so excited to have actual comments!!!) It's worth reading the article in full, but the gist of it is that kids become intrinsically motivated when they are praised for efforts rather than abilities. It looks at the work of Stanford researcher Carol Dweck, which has been floating around the education community for awhile. This excerpt highlights her work:

Dweck sent four female research assistants into New York fifth-grade classrooms. The researchers would take a single child out of the classroom for a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles—puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well. Once the child finished the test, the researchers told each student his score, then gave him a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, “You must be smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort: “You must have worked really hard.”

Then the students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice, Dweck’s team explained, was an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out.

Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

Intrinisic motivation seems to be closely linked to what Dweck calls a "growth mind-set", as opposed to a "fixed mind-set". Which makes sense - if we believe this is just how we are and we can't change, then why bother to try. I love the bit of this article from Stanford Magazine where Dweck takes her research out of the classroom and talks about how our mind-set affects every aspect of our lives:

At the Association for Psychological Science convention in May, Dweck will give the keynote address. The topic: “Can Personality Be Changed?” Her short answer, of course, is yes. Moreover, holding a growth mind-set bodes well for one’s relationships. In a recent study, Dweck found that people who believe personality can change were more likely than others to bring up concerns and deal with problems in a constructive way. Dweck thinks a fixed mind-set fosters a categorical, all-or-nothing view of people’s qualities; this view tends to make you ignore festering problems or, at the other extreme, give up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble. (The growth mind-set, though, can be taken too far if someone stays in an abusive relationship hoping her partner will change; as always, the person has to want to change.)

A growth mindset is about stretching and is not worried about making mistakes.  Dweck is confident people can change from a fixed mind-set to a growth mind-set, and she herself says she changed her fixed mind-set to a growth mind-set through her work. The first step is just being aware of those areas of your life where you might be holding a fixed mind-set. If you want to explore this more, this is a good 30 minute audio interview with Dweck that discusses mind-set. Dweck also has a whole book on the topic, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, which I've requested from my library. When I get it I'll let you know if it offers anything beyond the articles.

In addition to watching myself for self-talk borne out of a fixed mind-set, I am going to change how I respond when I meet up with someone who has lost weight. Right now I usually say something like, "You look great!" I think from now on I am going to comment instead on how impressed I am with the work they must have done to get healthier.

the front row of your life

One of the books I read while working on my MEd was Ben and Rosamund Zander's  The Art of Possibility.

My first reading of it was clouded by my suspicions of anyone associated with Landmark Education - which the authors are.  Since then I have met a couple of people who have had good experiences with Landmark, I've been enlightened by people who have looked into Landmark more than I had and finally, people who know nothing about Landmark had good things to say about the book.  Especially one online buddy, whose opinion I really respect - she's a Philosophy instructor and kicks ass at critical thinking.  So I went back and read it without my gray coloured glasses.  And guess what - surprise! - I found I liked it much more the second time around.  Which ironically reinforces one of the book's points - that we can change how we think about situations to allow for possibility where there was none.  Which is a big topic in this blog, too.

Ben Zander was just in Canada teaching a seminar and there was a clip of him on Canadian TV - and luckily I found it on Google Video.  If you have or haven't read the book there is good stuff in this clip (and you can ignore the 30 seconds where he talks about Landmark), for example:

Transformation happens when you shift your view of the world. When you see that what you've been doing is hiding, taking yourself away, not participating, not engaging, not taking risks by sitting in the back row of your life.

if you ask a person what they want out of life...

Yesterday's post reminded me of an article in the January 2007 issue of O (the magazine is fairly intelligent, but does she have to be on every cover?) called, "Hi, my name is Amanda and I might be an alcoholic". The author decides drinking has become a problem in her life and eschews the 12-step approach for the Center for Motivation and Change. She doesn't want to quit drinking altogether - she just wants to be a normal drinker who can enjoy a glass of wine again. This of course is blasphemy in AA - where it is all or nothing, but it is perfectly acceptable at this centre. And the approach the CMC uses has been proven in studies to be effective. The article is not available online, but I did find this blurb honouring one of the reseachers mentioned in the article. He is quoted as saying:

“Some people drink because their personal relationships are terrible,” said Meyers in the article. “Others drink because their work is meaningless. Some are depressed. Some are anxious. Some are just bored. A few are burdened with a genetic predisposition for alcoholism. Many drink for an amalgam of all those reasons.

“But if you ask a person what they want out of life and help them start to achieve it, they’re more likely to reduce their drinking that if you just tell them to stop drinking.”

There it is again - find the resonance (what they want out of life - what makes them tick) and let the resonance lead to fulfillment.

control and power

Tara has it as one of her points contributing to intrinsic motivation. Yesterday Gretchen posted about how having a sense of control contributes to happiness.

To be clear, they are both referring to having control over their own stuff - not control over others. I'm sure we are all familiar with at least one control freak who wants to control everyone and everything. Usually, they are miserable people and no fun to be around. When talking about control it is good to be in mind of The Serenity Prayer.

I shared one of the "EASY myths" from Martha Beck's book, Four Day Win, in an earlier post. I want to share a couple more that seem apropos here:

EASY Myth #2: To lose weight, I must absolutely comply with my external authority figure (diet, trainer, program) the way a child complies with a parent. It is the external authority's job to initiate activity, notice when I need more support of any kind and deliver the right support in the right way, and sustain my discipline. In other words, my job is to be the perfect child. My authority source's job is to be the perfect parent.

CALM Insight #2: When I was very young, complying with authority really was my only way of staying safe and figuring out how the world works. But now that I am capable of analyzing reality on my own, playing a child role is frustrating and makes me feel powerless. Something is telling me that I get to be the grown-up in my life and that if I totally comply with any external system, I'll end up giving away my autonomy, individuality, and self-respect. My instincts tell me when to question. If I listen to them, I won't feel or act like a trapped and angry child.

EASY MYTH #3: A perfect weight-loss authority source will eliminate the possibility of my breaking the rules.

CALM Insight #3: The only thing that creates total compliance is total dependency. Prisoners and people with total paralysis or extreme illness are the only adults who can't choose to disobey. Far from creating happiness, the loss of autonomous choice is horrible. It's the single variable most related to depression and despair. I'm grateful that I have the choice to break the rules of my fitness program, because the alternative is loss of all personal power.

I like that Beck uses the word power where she could have used the word control - in particular I like the phrase "personal power". I think that that is what Gretchen is referring to in her happiness post - the freedom and power to choose our actions in a situation. And I would extend that to the power to choose how we frame different situations. We have to step out of any learned helplessness. One of my favourite tricks used to be blaming my husband for my being overweight - he wasn't supportive enough, or he bought too much bad food, or he didn't compliment, or he looked at me funny, or he didn't clean the bathroom, or...I had a million permutations. I became an expert at finding all the insidious little ways he had of making me fat. Poor guy didn't even know how clever and conniving he was! I finally had to admit that he didn't control me. I had the power to choose my own behaviour.

Because of this, I have mixed feelings about 12 step programs that have people admit that they are powerless over fill in the blank (alcohol, drugs, food, sex). I know they have worked for a lot of people - and there could be a number of reasons for their success (a mentor relationship and group support are HUGE factors, according to the research). It may be that admitting powerlessness is not one. I question how it frames the situation. I have often heard people who are trying to stick to a diet say things like: "my eating was out of control today." Was it really? Out of your control? Or did you just choose to eat more? Which would you rather say, " I ate too much because it was out of my control." or "I made a choice to eat more than I needed to." Which statement has the most potential for change?

my stories

I love decluttering. I even used to do it when I was a kid - long before there were websites that could clutter up your email inbox as they told you how to declutter. I'm pretty sure I inherited this from my dad - who so loves to declutter that we have numerous family stories about him throwing out something valuable in one of his decluttering frenzies. Like one Christmas when he was so quick to clean up the wrapping remnants that he tossed out a present I bought for my sister that she hadn't even opened yet.

So, I cleaned out one of my clothes closets today. The school is having a garage sale to raise funds for a childrens' charity and I have a bunch of nice clothes that I haven't worn in forever that could go to a good cause. I get such a rush from a good declutter session. And you know what else - I always eat better for the rest of the day. Effortlessly. And I always eat better when my house is tidy and am more likely to eat crap when it is messy.

One reason for this is that having a messy house causes me stress - it just does. And stress is a trigger for overeating for me.

Another reason is because of the way my actions feed my stories of myself. One story has me as disciplined and conscientious and the other story has me as undisciplined and lazy. Whenever I take actions (like decluttering) to support one story, that story gains strength and momentum. So one of the things I am trying to be more aware of is taking actions to strengthen the disciplined and conscientious story of myself- the story that makes being healthier easier.

more on motivation

Tara Hunt blogs about marketing - particularly her approach to it - which she calls Pinko Marketing.

Just a few days after writing about Alfie Kohn I was looking through her slideshow about Unmanaging and found she was referencing Kohn's work, as well - the whole slideshow is interesting to read even though it is focused on something seemingly unrelated to the topic of this blog, but if you stick around you'll see I like to make weird connections. If you're short on time jump in at the section called Unleashing. Here is a relevant slide from that section:

Good stuff.

jann arden - alive & well

Alive is a free health magazine distributed through vitamin shops and heath food stores in Canada. It can have some wacky, hocus-pocus stuff in it, but as a magazine junkie, how can I resist a free magazine? (Answer: I can't.)

This month's issue has Jann Arden on the cover looking quite fabulous. And an interview with her inside. She is getting a lot of press right now both because she is on tour for her new album, Uncover Me (big thumbs up), and because she has lost over 50 pounds.

Apparently she is also taking some flack for the weight loss from those who saw her as a role model for living large and loving it. There is no denying that she has been an affirming female presence in the media- especially for those in her/my age group. I have to say, though, that begrudging someone for getting healthier so you can keep feeling affirmed in your own state of being overweight seems so wrong. And this was a health issue for Jann - as it is for most of us who are overweight.

Here is what she has to say about her weight loss in Alive:

She assures me that "it was an organic process," during which she told herself, "I'm just going to make changes," rather than "I want to lose weight."

For Arden it was all about making small changes. For 20 years she'd been eating "once a day." While she had always been active, she "jumped up the cardio a bit," and "started eating breakfast." This led to having small meals and snacks throughout the day - she laughs as she tells me she's carrying around healthy little snacks like "cheese sticks in my purse now. It's so easy." She sounds like she can't believe she's talking about herself: it still seems new, this life of snacking and eating "a lot more food." She has done all this without a trainer or diet book.

And my favourite part:

Although she says she "jogs at the speed of a turtle," she keeps at it. "Change is possible," she says. Most importantly, she is "gentle with my soul. I don't punish myself."..... She has thought about what is important to her and made those things priorities.

Yay Jann! She has always been a role model to me and is even more so now.

rewards kill resonance

I belong to a staff book club at my school.  We choose a book to read and get together at lunch twice a month to discuss a couple of chapters.  The book we are reading right now is Alfie Kohn's The Schools Our Children Deserve.

Full disclosure: I already heart Alfie Kohn.  I first saw him at a conference in Vancouver in 2000 and talk about resonance! He was hyper and working the room of at least 500 with more energy than a monkey washing a kitty.  And I hung on his every word because here was someone talking my language - I had found my educational philisopher-king.  Since then I have read most of his books, and I do have a quibble with him here and there - but overall, don't expect much Alfie criticism to come from this corner.

In preparation for our next book club meeting I was reading chapters 7 and 8 of The Schools Our Children Deserve.  It focused on one of Kohn's recurring themes - motivation and how rewards interfere with motivation.

You may remember an episode of Oprah some years back where she had Kohn on as a guest.  They did a little experiment. One by one, twenty children were brought to an office building and introduced to an adult pretending to work for a toy company.  The children were then asked to  help evaluate new games for the toy company. Half the children were offered five dollars for each game they tested. Rewards were not mentioned to the other half.  After playing with the games for awhile a researcher then entered the office and asked the children for some feedback.  Having obtained the feedback, the researcher then left the child alone in the room- where unbeknownst to them, they were being videotaped. All ten children who had not been offered any reward went back to playing with the games. Only one of the ten who had been rewarded with cash went back to playing, the rest of the rewarded children sat and did nothing until they were told they could leave.

Why?  Kohn theorizes that as soon as we are offered a reward for a task the implication is that the task is not worth doing in and of itself.   Rewards can demotivate us from doing that which we may be naturally inclined to do.

As he explains in the book:

One popular myth about motivation, then, is that it can be done to others.  The other, even more basic misconception is one we encountered while looking at high-stakes testing - the idea that there is a single thing called motivation, a single substance that people possess to a certain degree. The reality, remember, is that there are qualitatively different types of motivation. What determines how effectively students will learn isn't how motivated they are.  It's how they are motivated. The type of motivation referred to as "extrinsic" - which we find, for example, when kids are led to read books so they can get some goodie - turns out to be not merely ineffective but counterproductive. It tends to reduce 'intrinsic" motivation - that is, an interest in reading itself.

Interesting, then, that so many weight loss and fitness programs promote the rewards mindset.  For example, Weight Watchers hands out gold stars, keychains, ribbons and charms when you lose certain percentages of weight towards your goal.   The mucho macho Leanness Lifestyle uses "leverage", a slight variation on rewards whereby you put up, for example, $250 of your own money and only get it back if you accomplish your goal.

Is this approach just killing the intrinsic motivation produced by the increased sense of well-being that accompanies getting to a healthy weight?  But what about the people for whom this approach seems to work? I believe it works for them *in spite of* the rewards, not because of them.  I believe they already had intrinsic motivation, and that that was what brought them the success.