5 seconds to a better marriage

I learned this simple practice from Dr. John Gottman.  It is simple, but not necessarily easy. Many of my clients find it surprising when they do it. They are surprised at how they've negelected such a simple thing, surprised at how long 5 seconds really is, surprised at what happens when they really commit and do it.

This is it: commit to having a (minimum) 5 second kiss with your partner. Everyday. And count the 5 seconds fairly - you know, like you used to do for hide-and-seek. 1, 1000, 2, 1000 etc. Or set the timer on your phone if you are the geeky type. After a few practice sessions you'll get a feel for how long it is and you won't have to count anymore - which will allow you to be more present in the experience.

Even your response to the idea of doing this practice can be revealing.

The exclusive focus on verbal communication as the path to strengthen relationships has left big huge gaps and has hung many relationships out to dry. Communication skills alone will not save a relationship. There is a deeper connection that needs to be nourished. That's what this practice is for.

I'd love to hear from you if you try it - let me know how it goes. If you're already doing this and more - I'm guessing your relationship is already pretty damn fantastic.